Every year, thousands of women break up with their boyfriends only to find themselves feeling desperately lonely and unhappy.
And of course if you’re feeling like that, you’d do anything to get him back, wouldn’t you?
But this is exactly the time when you need to be asking yourself whether getting him back is the right thing to do. In fact, the best question you can ask yourself right now is this: “Is he really the person I want to spend the rest of my life with?”
In short, is he good enough for you?
Or do you only want your guy back because he made you feel good about yourself?
These are important questions to ask yourself, but they’re not the only ones you need to answer before you start trying to get your ex boyfriend back in your life.
You see, although you can discover how to get your ex back in 90% of break-ups, you should really only do that if you’re completely convinced your boyfriend and you really are made for each other.
Don’t forget many breakups happen for a very good reason – they’re a sign that two people aren’t in the right partnership, that you and he don’t belong together in the long term.
Before You Even Approach Your Ex
Before you do anything to approach your ex-boyfriend, you must start behaving rationally.
I’m sure you’re not doing anything crazy, but if you were, let’s say, stalking him on Facebook, sending text messages every few minutes, sending him emails every day, you’d need to stop doing that and consider the following questions instead:
What was it that made you fall for each other in the first place – and does that still apply?
How much do you really have in common – and are moving in the same direction, closer together, or further apart?
Was he outgrowing you emotionally or were you outgrowing him emotionally?
How did you really feel about him? I mean, really feel about him, deep down?
And why did the relationship go wrong? Did you start taking each other for granted?
Did you stop working at maintaining love – or did you give up hope because he wasn’t interested in you?
Can you honestly say that your life would be better if you found out how to get your ex back then it would without him?
You need to answer some more questions as well…. in fact, you need to work out a couple of very important issues.
The first thing is, do you really want him back because you know it will make you happy?
The second question is, do you want him back because you feel lonely and sad, all the while knowing deep down inside, that it won’t work out because you’re just not right for each other?
You can understand, I’m sure, that in the second case no matter how much information you read about how to get your ex boyfriend back in your life, it ain’t gonna work out – and that means it’s not worth even trying to get him back.
Video – why do we cheat?
(Ignore this if cheating was not an issue in your break up!)
Now, If You Really Want To Get Him Back…
Assuming you’ve really thought this through, and you’re convinced he’s the right person for you, what can you do to make your old boyfriend believe in the goodness, rightness and worth of your relationship?
In other words, how can you get your ex back and into a new relationship?
1 Be Better Than You Were Before
Let’s get to the nitty-gritty here: we’re talking about being more desirable. Hotter. Sexier. More of a catch.
You already know how much of a motivator good sex can be for a guy, and you know how much an attractive woman can motivate any guy.
So if you can be that woman, you have a massive lever to get your guy back into relationship with you.
You should aim to look so good that when he sees you, he thinks “Wow, she is amazing – and I want her!”
Sure, maybe this sounds shallow, but it’s true. A lot of guys think in a very basic way (i.e. a sexual way).
But more importantly you also need to remember that when a guy has good sex with a woman it opens him up to his loving feelings for her. Yes, sex is a route to love for a guy. And…..
….I’m not suggesting you sell yourself short in your attempt to get your ex back by prostituting yourself…. and you can work this one out for yourself, I’m sure. We’ll come back to sex in a moment.
2 Apologize For Your Part In The Break Up
Couples who apologize to each other for what they’ve done to hurt each other have much better and longer lasting relationships than couples who don’t.
So the first thing is you need to apologize for everything you did which contributed to the relationship breaking up.
You know, this might just be a matter of swallowing your pride, and admitting the things you know about yourself – and perhaps discovering some things you don’t yet know about yourself – which get in the way of you having a good relationship with a man.
These are the obstacles to a successful relationship which lie in your personality. Come on, we all have them.
Now, although you obviously can’t change the past, you can apologize for it and then do things differently in the future.
So please don’t beat yourself up over the mistakes you’ve made in the past – that isn’t going to get your ex back.
All good relationship advice will tell you the same thing: if you want to know how to get your ex back, start by admitting the mistakes you made, forgiving yourself for those mistakes, and then apologizing to your ex partner.
3 Keep Focused! No Random Dudes In Bed!
We all know about the bounce-back effect after a relationship’s broken up. “She’s on the rebound.” Oh dear. Desperation is in the air….
And sure enough, it can be helpful to us all if we find a man who can console us, give us physical affection, make us feel better.
But really, if you want to get your ex back because you’ve decided he’s the guy is the person you need to spend the rest of your life with, then taking some other guy to bed, or posting stupid drunken pictures online of yourself making out with some random guy, isn’t exactly going to help your case for a new relationship with your ex partner.
In fact your ex boyfriend can be hurt and may hate you even more if he sees this. He’s not likely to appreciate that you’re in pain, and you need to feel better. He’s just going to see you in a bad light. (The same is true in reverse, of course.)
So if you really want to get your ex boyfriend back, if you really want to repair your relationship, then the first thing you must do is get over your breakup.
You see, getting back together with an ex isn’t difficult – like I said above, it can happen in 90% of cases – but it does require you to be in a certain place – emotionally stable. Clear about what you want. Clear about how you can get it. Speaking of which….
4 Change – However You Need To Change
So you’re serious about your ex. You want to fix your broken relationship. You want to make your ex want you back.
Sure, you can read plenty of relationship advice and articles on how to get over a break up on the Internet. And you can read a hundred articles on “10 ways to get your ex back” by a hundred different authors if you want. You can find out why men and women have different expectations. And so on, and on, and on.
But in truth, first and foremost, you are going to have to do something. You are going to have to change.
Let me repeat that: you are going to have to change.
Some people claim Einstein said that you can’t solve a problem from the same level of consciousness that created it.
But whoever said that, it’s absolutely true.
If you go back into a relationship with the same person and continue doing exactly the same things you did before, in the same way, the relationship’s going to go exactly the same way – downhill, fast.
So you need to have a clear idea of what caused the breakup in the first place. You need to know what you did that sent him packing. And then, whatever lies at the root of that behavior, you need to work on it – and do things differently in the future.
Were you bad tempered, demanding, needy and cranky, nagging, invading of his boundaries, unfaithful, or bad in bed?
“Yes” to some of those, maybe? So what you do next is fix the problems you were causing.
You might think your guy needs to fix a few problems, too…. And of course he does. But the problem is he may not want his ex girlfriend back in the way you want your ex boyfriend back!
Which means you have to make the first contact, you have to initiate the process of reconciliation.
You can do this by showing him that the way you are going to be in relationship is much better. Very much better. So much better that he wants to be with you… and you alone. That way you may inspire change in him. Hopefully.
But if you don’t try, what chance have you got?
Which brings us on to….part 2! Which you can find here.