Fixing Your Relationship
I guess you’re reading this because your relationship has come to an end and you’re upset about it…. so upset, in fact, that you now want to know how to get your ex girlfriend back.
Well, read on, my friend, because as long as she hasn’t found the man of her dreams and as long as she doesn’t believe you’re truly incompatible, you really can can get her back with a little bit of effort.
All you have to do is find out what went wrong in the first place, and fix it.
Here’s how to get your ex girlfriend back.
1 Get Yourself Together:
Let Your Ex See The Changes In You
To start with, you need to get your life back in order.
No matter how miserable you feel – and we all know that the end of a relationship can make you feel worse than just about anything else – no woman’s going to willingly come back to you when you’re in a state of self-pity and despair.
(And if she does – well, you might want to think better of it. Why be with a woman who’s attracted to your misery and neediness?)
Come to think of it, no woman’s going to want to get back with you when you’re in a state of anger or rage, either.
So if you’re experiencing any of these emotions, maybe you should consider seeing a therapist, counselor, or joining a men’s group where you can express your feelings and get some support.
Deep down you probably have a sense of where you need to improve your personality, attitudes and behavior. I mean, if you’re playing video games 13 hours a day at weekends, that isn’t a great basis for a relationship!
And if you’re a slob who never changes his pants, or cleans the bath, then you know what to do.
The thing is, most women want a guy who looks after himself, both physically and emotionally.
2 Act Like A Man
Develop your masculinity and behave like a mature male.
You see, what women really want in a relationship is a man who’s mature and steady in his masculinity. (That doesn’t mean you can never play like a child – in fact, being playful is an essential part of good emotional health in a mature adult man or woman.)
And so, if you don’t know what it means to be a grown-up, responsible, mature, emotionally stable individual, find out!
That way you can show her you’re working on becoming the best man you can be!
After all, your ex-girlfriend isn’t looking for perfection – she’s just looking for some evidence that you’re going to be a better guy than the one she split up with. (In other words, she’s looking for a new you!)
And in the context of this, you really have to remember that you don’t stand any chance of getting your ex-girlfriend back if you’re not emotionally in control of yourself.
No woman wants a man who’s desperate, clingy and needy – just like no man really wants a clingy, needy woman.
What a woman (that would be your ex girlfriend) wants is a man who’s strong, self-sufficient and independent, a man who stands firm in his masculinity.
So what can you do to get over the despair and anger you’re feeling after the end of your relationship with your ex?
Well, you can start an adventure, form a men’s group with some friends, go to the gym, find a hobby… you know what to do. It might even be what you’ve been avoiding for years!
And you can help yourself to look more attractive by getting some new clothes. Taking a pride in your appearance by buying new clothes and looking sharp signals a deeper change in your attitude – one of self-care, a sense of your increasing self-worth, and a deep sense of self-respect.
Even a small change in your appearance can be a sign of forward movement.
3 Improve Your Attitude
If you want to get your ex girlfriend back, you need to be a mature responsible independent man. This can be a challenge in today’s society.
But it’s what a woman craves – so if you want your girl back in your life, the girl you loved and lost, you have to make an effort. And if it all looks like too much, then start small.
First off, lose that jealousy. Underneath jealousy lies the fear of being alone, and that’s not attractive to anyone. It hints at desperation. The other thing jealousy suggests is a desire to be in control of another person – and that’s probably the last thing your ex wants.
If you come across as desperate or threatening she’ll probably run a mile, and quite rightly!
We all know getting over a breakup isn’t simple, and that getting back with an ex girlfriend can be a challenging prospect, but this is really the time to seize your courage and hold out it out in front of you, slice through your fear, and find a new way forward.
You can choose to sit around playing video games and feeling sorry for yourself, or you can take our advice on getting back with an ex and look forward to a brighter future.
You see, even if you don’t manage to win her back, the changes you make in yourself might attract a better woman into a new relationship with you.
So here’s the challenge for you – act like nothing is wrong.
Why? For the same reason we’ve already mentioned a couple of times – your ex isn’t going to want you back if you’re acting angry, mopey, sulky (or like your life’s over).
Simply trying to have a good time will help you feel the joy, and experience laughter and fun, and that’s a far more attractive prospect than being around somebody who’s as miserable as hell.
If you don’t already know this, you might be impressed to learn that one of the things women say they find most attractive in a man is a sense of humor. And let’s face it, there’s nothing you need more right now than a sense of humor!
3 Leave Her Alone For A While
Give your ex some space and time. I know you’ve heard this before – but in case you don’t understand how the “30 days no contact” rule can help restore a relationship, here’s why.
If you don’t speak for her to 30 days, it might be tough, and it might hurt you, but it certainly will give you a chance to reflect on what’s happened, so you you’re not acting in the heat of the moment. (Always a bad idea when it comes to the fairer sex.)
You never know, as the time goes by, you might actually find you’re really beginning to feel better without her than you were with her. Yes, it’s possible! In any case, it’ll certainly let your temper cool down.
But there’s another reason forgiving her space: she needs it. Especially if your relationship was claustrophobically close!
She’ll get the time and opportunity to realize how wonderful you actually are – your absence might help her see and feel that she’s really lost a friend – and that will make her want to have you back.
And a girl who sees her exboyfriend being independent and strong tends to think how attractive he is ….. You never know, she might even get a tingling in her pants at the thought of being back with you.
4 Meet Some New People – Especially Women
Meeting some new women and making new female friends has to be good for you.
But I want you to understand this isn’t about making her jealous. Well, not entirely. It’s really about you feeling better because other women find you an attractive guy to be around.
Just to avoid any confusion, let me say this isn’t about finding another woman to replace your partner.
Remember, your mission here isn’t just getting over your breakup, it’s about finding out how to get your ex-girlfriend back.
So if you spend time with women, you’ll feel better, particularly if they like and admire you.
And this will also show your ex girlfriend that women like being around you, that you have a lot of attractive qualities, and that, you’re desirable in other women’s eyes. That, believe it or not, may well make your ex want you back in her life more.
(Of course if she actually decides she’s better off without you and that some other women is welcome to you, then you have a different problem to deal with.)
But let’s work on the assumption that you broke up because of some temporary problem, and the right thing for you both is to be back together in a loving relationship.
5 Tap Into Your Inner Masculinity
One thing many men in our society don’t understand is what masculinity really means. But these are the qualities you need to cultivate: emotional strength, dominance, confidence, assertiveness, courage, loyalty….
And more than anything else, emotional control. A mature man never rages, ever breaks out into uncontrollable anger, has his fear under control, and is a powerful man in the world.
In fact he’s an alpha male. And of course women are attracted to the alpha male – why wouldn’t they be?
The alpha male is the one who can protect a woman, care for her, and give her good children.
Now don’t misunderstand me. You might think your ex wanted a sweet, compliant men – and maybe she did, but if that’s the case, it’s only because she’s got an issue with masculinity.
A sorted woman, one who’s got rid of her emotional baggage, wants a masculine man – he’s the one who gives her the tingle in her pants, the one who makes her want to open herself up to him. (And you know what happens when a woman wants to open her heart to you – she wants to open her body as well.)
6 Take Action
You must take action to change! Simply thinking about what you can do to improve yourself or make yourself more desirable is no use at all without action.
There are some cliched things women seem to love – and here, you can take advantage of generations of men who’ve gone before you, and who knew that:
- Buying a woman flowers really makes her soften.
- A women loves to receive a letter – because letters take time to write, and you can express your feelings.
- She wants to be cared for and, more than anythign else, cherished.
- And if you include an apology in your letter, so much the better, because research has shown that a couple who apologize to each other for upsetting each other have a much higher chance of staying together. It’s a simple thing, but it really counts.
Once you’ve made contact – by the way, you can make first contact by text message, although to be honest you do need to send her a letter as well as a mark of sincerity – you can meet her in person.
Meet in a public place, or somewhere you know she’ll feel comfortable, and tell her that you know you did some terrible things (!) and you’re sorry for it.
Tell her you want to take responsibility. Tell her you know you shouldn’t have done what you did. Tell her that losing her was the biggest mistake you ever made. Tell her you don’t want anything from her (except possibly her love).
Saying these things is pretty powerful to a woman, so you’d better mean them.
If you’re working on bringing your ex back into a relationship with you just so you can feel better, you’re making a terrible mistake.
You need to know, truly, deep down, that this really is the woman you should be with, and that losing her was the biggest mistake you ever made.
And if that’s the way it is for you, what exactly what can you do to rebuild your friendship, restore the trust that is now lost, and potentially save your relationship or save your marriage?
- Start by doing something nice for her without expecting anything in return.
- Then, when you’re sure there’s the potential for something more between you, take it a step deeper.
- Go for coffee together.
- Have some fun together….
- Ride your bikes together.
- Hang out at the pool together.
- Go to a movie together.
- Take a walk in the countryside together.
- Whatever you do, don’t make a move on her – just enjoy her company, show that you’re a great guy to be around.
These simple techniques are the key to discovering how to get your ex girlfriend back.
And when you’ve established a degree of intimacy, you can tell her about the feelings you still have for her. Do this when you’re on your own with her. And don’t look for sex at this stage!
This is the point where you can tell her you want her back in your life. So look good, feel confident, and act like a man.
In other words, say something meaningful she can believe: “I’m sorry we broke up. I know it was my fault because I didn’t appreciate you in the way I realize I should have done. I can see how worthwhile it would be to care for you and love you in a relationship, and I want to share that and experience that with you. I can’t deny I still feel love for you.”
Using the “L Word” (that’s love, in case you were wondering) might be a step too far, but don’t avoid it if you do feel love for her.
If you love your ex girlfriend and you believe it’s worth getting back together, you have to learn from the mistakes you made the first time around.
7 Plan the Future
What you need right now, while she is (hopefully) beginning to open up to the possibility of getting back into a relationship with you, is a plan to get back together and stay together, perhaps even to live together forever.
Truth be told, if you don’t have a plan to make the future different to the past, what d’ya think’s gonna happen?
Sure – you’re going to fall back into the same old unhelpful patterns.
So whatever went wrong first time around must be eliminated. Either that or you find a compromise so these issues don’t disrupt your relationship second time around.
More to the point, if you already have a plan of how you two can get back together – whether it’s as obvious going to counseling, or as simple as spending time apart and giving each other space – she’s going to be really impressed…
… hopefully, so impressed she will want to be back in relationship with you.
So be honest about how you’re feeling.
Above all, don’t focus on what she did wrong in the relationship. So be very careful of any sentence that begins with the word “you”. As in, “If only you hadn’t…” and the like!
Let her see and sense the change in you, and show her you know where and why things went wrong.
Show her you intend to do better, and that you’ve changed. Tell her the qualities you feel are developing in you – for example, you’re more patient, more forgiving, more aware of your faults, more open to love, perhaps.
These simple techniques can help love grow in a woman’s heart – and that, my friend, is exactly how you can get your ex girlfriend back. And then you can look forward to a loving, long term relationship which will last for years to come.