How To Relax – And Why You Should!

Relaxation is an effective antidote to stress

Relaxation is a safe, simple and effective technique which increases the activity of the parasympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system. The parasympathetic system is also called the ‘rest-digest’ system because it lowers the body’s level of arousal and therefore counteracts stress and tension, unlike the sympathetic branch which is called the fight or flight system.

Later we’ll discuss in detail how you can use relaxation to reduce the effects of stress. But first of all, we’ll describe…

How you can learn to relax whenever you want.

There are several methods of relaxation. Here are two of the easiest and most successful (described below). If the method you choose doesn’t work very well for you, then try the other. Be sure to practice consistently – good results seem to be obtained by relaxing for about 15 or 20 minutes twice a day. Obviously, the times you choose will depend on your daily routine, but it does help to keep them regular. If you have trouble sleeping, try practicing in bed at night. This not only helps to overcome your insomnia but also makes your sleep more refreshing and revitalizing. (A word of caution here, though: remember that your aim is to develop the ability to relax at will. Dropping off to sleep before you have completed the relaxation procedure will defeat the object of the exercise. If you find that this is happening, you can sit in a chair.)

How To Relax

Most people learn to relax on a bed, a sofa or an armchair. If you use a bed or sofa, you may find it best to lie on your back in a comfortable position with all parts of your body well supported. Have your legs slightly apart with your feet angled outwards and your arms away from the sides of your body. You might like a cushion under your knees and your head. If you use a chair, try sitting comfortably upright with your legs slightly apart and your feet flat on the floor. Your arms can rest on the arms of the chair with your palms downwards and your fingers slightly apart.

You may experience slight discomfort if you try any deep relaxation procedure when you have a full stomach or when you are wearing tight clothing. It’s a good idea to wait two hours after a meal, and to take off any tight clothing before you start.

Above all, remember that the most important thing is to be peaceful, calm and comfortable. If any of these suggestions cause you discomfort or are otherwise unsuitable, just adapt them as you wish.

If you have been stressed for a long time, and relief is not in sight, it may be a good idea to check out whether or not a qualified counsellor can help you. Which brings us to the subject of shadow work.

Shadow work and health

This is a psychological and spiritual practice that involves exploring and integrating the aspects of yourself that are hidden or suppressed in your unconscious mind. It is often associated with Jungian psychology and involves facing and embracing the “shadow” aspects of your personality. While shadow work may not be directly aimed at deep relaxation, it can contribute to overall well-being and emotional balance, which may indirectly support relaxation. Here’s how:

Reducing Inner Conflict: Shadow work based on archetypal principles helps you become aware of the aspects of yourself that you may have repressed or denied. By acknowledging and integrating these aspects, you can reduce inner conflict, leading to a greater sense of peace and relaxation.

Understanding Triggers: The shadow often contains unresolved emotions and past experiences that can be triggered in various situations. This are held in the archetypes called by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette the King Warrior Magician and Lover. Exploring these archetypes dyuring a shadow work session helps you identify and understand these triggers, allowing you to respond to stressors more calmly and with greater self-awareness.

Emotional Release: Exploring your shadow can bring up intense emotions, but facing and processing these emotions can lead to emotional release. Emotional release is an essential component of relaxation, as it allows you to let go of pent-up tension and stress.

Mindfulness and Self-Acceptance: Shadow work encourages mindfulness, which involves being present and accepting of your thoughts and emotions without judgment. This practice fosters self-acceptance, which is crucial for relaxation. When you can accept yourself fully, including your shadow aspects, you may find it easier to relax and be at peace with who you are.

Integration of Unconscious Material: The process of shadow work involves integrating unconscious material into your conscious awareness. This integration can lead to a more holistic and balanced sense of self, contributing to a greater overall sense of well-being and relaxation.

While shadow work can have these positive effects, it’s important to note that the process can be challenging and may bring up intense emotions. It’s advisable to approach shadow work with care and, if needed, seek support from a therapist or counselor who is experienced in this type of work.

Shadow Work Introduction – Video Film

In addition to shadow work, other relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, and guided imagery can complement your efforts in achieving a state of deep relaxation.

Breath Work and Relaxation

There’s a close link between breathing out and relaxation. Breathing out, or exhalation, is essentially a process of muscular relaxation. You can make use of this relationship in the relaxation procedures below, by relaxing your muscles as you breathe out. But don’t overdo it; breathing too quickly or too deeply for too long may cause dizziness.

With either Method 1 or Method 2, start by closing your eyes and relaxing as much as you consciously can. At this stage, random thoughts may come flooding into your mind, but don’t be disturbed by this – simply let the thoughts float away, and if your mind wanders, bring it gently back to the matter in hand without feeling upset or irritated.

Method 1 For Deep Relaxation and Stress Relief

This is the simpler of the two methods and works well for lots of people.

You start by transferring your attention over the different parts of your body in turn. As you become aware of each part, you discover whether the muscles are tense or relaxed. If there is tension present, you relax and ‘let it go’. Obviously your muscles can safely relax more than they normally would because your body is fully supported, and you needn’t spare a thought for essential processes like your heartbeat or breathing, because these are controlled automatically by the brain.

Video – deep relaxation

Relaxation like this is not a process of overt conscious effort; rather, it is a process of letting it happen. This might be clearer if you think of the act of tensing and relaxing your arm. Tensing your arm involves effort; relaxing your arm does not – it is a passive process, one that you are now extending to muscles of which you are normally not aware.

You’ll find it easier to keep your mind on what you’re doing if you pass your attention over your body in a particular sequence. Don’t spend too long on each muscle group, though; between 30 seconds and a minute is probably long enough. Remember that whenever you notice any tension you relax and let it go. Each time you do this, let your feelings of relaxation spread and grow stronger.  

Start with your fingers. Let them become relaxed, curved and limp. Then check for tension in your hands. Let them relax also. Feel this relaxation passing up your arms, and your arms resting more heavily on the bed or chair as they do so.

Move on to your neck and shoulders. These areas, like the face and back, attract a great deal of tension in most people. You might be surprised to find how tense you really are. Relax your neck and shoulders so that the tension becomes less and less noticeable. Your head may feel heavier and seem to press into the bed or chair as your neck relaxes. Let all tension go as much as possible – and then let it go even further.

Next, think of your face. Your eyebrows and jaw muscles may be especially tense. Relax them. Let all tension go completely. Allow your tongue to relax loosely, your mouth to hang open slightly, and your face to assume a relaxed, blank expression.  

Transfer your attention to your chest, abdomen and back. These are parts of your body where you may find it very helpful to use the association of breathing out and relaxation. Thus, each time you breathe out, you feel yourself relaxing. And when you have finished each exhalation, you can let your body continue relaxing.

Relax your buttocks and thighs, and then your calves and ankles. Your feet and legs, like other parts of your body will feel heavier as the muscles relax more and more.

When you have relaxed each part of your body in turn, transfer your attention to your body as a whole. Let any remaining tension go. Then relax even more.

Once you have spent some time on this, you may find that some tension has returned to various parts of your body. If so, simply relax your mind and body once again. Repeat this sequence several times if necessary. Although your first attempts at relaxation may leave you with the feeling that you have achieved nothing, keep going! You will probably be surprised at how little practice is required to become expert at the whole procedure.

Method 2 For Deep Relaxation and Stress Relief

If you have a fairly constant level of stress and muscular tension, you may not be able to feel the difference between tension and relaxation, in which case you could adopt this slightly different procedure when learning how to relax. The preparatory steps and the order in which you relax the muscles of your body is similar to that used in Method 1, but this procedure involves  deliberately tensing your muscles before you relax them: you tense up each group of muscles before letting them flop completely. You’ll soon be able to distinguish between feelings of tension and the more pleasant feelings of relaxation.

Below, we describe one sequence of muscular tension and relaxation suitable for this method. The procedure is the same for each muscle group: tense the muscles, hold for about five seconds, then relax. It may be easier if you relax as you breathe out. Another useful idea is to mentally repeat the phrase “This tension is all going away” as you tense and relax each muscle group. Mentally repeat the phrase “This tension is all…” as you tense your muscles, and “going away” as you relax them.

Spend some time – 30 seconds to a minute – simply paying attention to the feelings of relaxation which you induce in each muscle group. This will develop your ability to distinguish between tension and relaxation and so help you to identify even slight muscular tension.

Here is the system of muscle tension and relaxation. Take your time and repeat each step as often as you think necessary.

Clench your fists. Squeeze. Pause . . . and relax.

Press your arms hard down on to the bed or chair. Pause . . . and relax.

Try to touch your shoulders with your wrists. Feel the tension. Pause . . . and relax.

Shrug your shoulders as high as possible. Pause . . . and relax.

Press your neck and head down into the bed or back into the chair. Build up the tension. Pause … relax.

Screw up your face: purse your lips; clench your jaw; press your tongue against the roof of your mouth; frown; screw your eyelids shut. Pause . . . and relax.

You may not feel very comfortable with all the muscles of your face under tension at the same time. If so, tense up the different areas of your face in sequence rather than simultaneously.

The muscles of the chest, abdomen and back are often particularly tense in individuals under stress, and it may therefore take slightly longer for you to learn how to relax them completely. When you push your stomach out, you tense up your abdomen; when you squeeze your buttocks together, you tense not only those muscles but also those in your back. Repeat this alternation of tension – relaxation several times in both areas, ensuring that you relax when you breathe out.  

Finally, tense your legs and feet. You can do this by pressing the heels of your feet down into the bed or floor, and by stretching both legs straight out while flexing your toes back towards your shins.  

As your ability to relax increases, you can gradually drop the tension part of the technique, and simply pass your attention over your body, letting the muscles relax as you do so. When you have learnt to relax all the separate areas of your body, you should then be able to achieve overall physical relaxation quickly and easily.


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