Ways To Enjoy Heartfelt Connection and Great Sex With Your Long Term Lover
Exercises To Improve and Sustain Your Sex Life
On this page are a number of ideas to deal with different situations that may crop up in your relationship. Of course, it can be fun to try these anyway, even if they are not the prescription for your particular issue! These techniques include some great ways to build a heart-centred relationship with deep intimacy and meaningful connection. Yes, the idea of true love can be real – you really can capture your partner’s heart love and be in love with each other for ever!
Balancing Sexual Demands (When a couple’s sexual needs become unbalanced)
One problem that couples sometimes have is when sexual demands become unequal. For example, it is not uncommon in midlife for men to find that their sexual desire decreases, while their partner’s may increase.
This can certainly produce tension between the couple, particularly if they do not discuss these changes. When a man is having difficulty expressing himself sexually because of some insecurity that results from his partner’s higher libido, it’s useful to try the following exercise:
You agree that for a month, whenever the woman wants sex, the man must provide it. The catch is that he can satisfy her in whatever way he chooses: through masturbation, oral sex, or intercourse.
And he can do it however he chooses: he can be lazy, laying on his back and masturbating her with one finger, he can be active, he can use a vibrator … whatever.
The interesting thing about this is that after a week or so, the woman’s sexual demands have usually tapered off to a level that the man is more than happy to accommodate and his interest has been rekindled.
Of course, this can work the other way round too: the man may complain he isn’t getting enough sex, in which case his partner commits to giving him all he wants. Although this may mean you make love once or twice a day in the first week, by the end of three weeks, things have usually settled down to a level that you both find enjoyable (that may mean, for example, once or twice a week).
How to balance low and high sex drives
The Woman Plays The Assertive Sexual Role
(Allowing her to express her sexual anger / energy)
Suppose you are a woman who feels exploited or used by the demands made on you by your partner, and yet at the same time you feel you want to enjoy sex with him to the full. You’re quite likely to be harbouring some level of anger or resentment which needs to be expressed. One way to do this is to take charge during the act of lovemaking. This will help your relationship a lot.
You can make powerful feminine movements during lovemaking. For example, you match your man’s movements as he thrusts. Or you can get him on his back on the bed, climb onto him and enjoy a powerful and energised session of woman on top lovemaking. You can then allow the movements of your body to express your energy, or your anger, as the case may be. You don’t always have to lie there and take it!
Putting On A Condom Can Be Fun
(And so can inserting a diaphragm!)
Some men lose their erection when they put on a condom, and some women say that putting in a diaphragm is a definite turnoff in the middle of sex.
And it’s true that putting in diaphragm in the middle of sex can look like a messy and inconvenient thing to have to do: but that’s true only if you do it the wrong way. The best way to use contraception is to make it an open and shared part of your foreplay, not to try and avoid the fact that you both know it’s happening!
So the diaphragm or condom should be near the bed, easily available when they’re needed. After foreplay has begun but before penetration has started, get the diaphragm in or put the condom on. The best way to deal with these matters is to be open and completely frank about them.
So, if you’re a woman who has to put a diaphragm in, you take it out of its case in full view of your partner and lubricate it; then you can put it in together. You can even play with it, sliding it in and out as many times you like!
A condom can be rolled onto the man’s erect penis by the man himself as he teases his partner with the thought of what is to come. For example, he can stand erect and proud as he rolls the condom onto his penis by the bedside as his partner lies there expectantly anticipating his erect penis sliding into her!
In this way, contraception does not become an embarrassing break in the flow of sex, but an erotic moment shared with your partner. Doing this also reminds you that sex is fun, and not necessarily about making babies. This is something that many of us overlook, and our lack of ability to see sex as simply a source of fun may well inhibit us from fully enjoying sex. (And another thing that a condom can be useful for is preventing a man from ejaculating quite so quickly.)
Ring The Changes And Enjoy Sex More
(How to enjoy more female orgasms!)
You may or may not be aware that very few women reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse. Estimates vary but certainly no more than 15 or 20% of women come this way; the real number may be much lower.
And generally a woman;s orgasm only happens during intercourse when a woman’s partner is a long-lasting lover with a lot of self-control. A man, in short, who can continue thrusting for extended periods of time. As you can imagine, this means that most of the women in the world (and their partners) will never experience vaginal orgasm or simultaneous orgasm during intercourse.
Another interesting fact is that a lot of women would actually prefer other forms of sexual activity to intercourse. Those preferences are mostly oral sex and mutual masturbation.
But despite the wide choice of activities a couple have available to them, many couples find themselves in a rut when it comes to sex. The pattern tends to be foreplay, perfunctory or otherwise, penetration, thrusting, ejaculation, brief cuddles, then roll over and go to sleep!
This is not a recipe for a successful sex life, and certainly provides little real fulfilment. You see, exciting sex depends on you being able to ask for new activities during sex. It also requires you to be confident that your partner will agree to try them out.
Of course, it may not be easy to ask for these things if you’re middle-aged and in a long-term relationship. If you’ve been monogamous for a while now, you’ll almost certainly have fallen into certain sexual patterns. These may be boring, or at least less satisfying than you’d like.
The way to overcome this particular sexual difficulty is to do two things: one, ask your partner to try something new; and two, get in there and try it! Get together with your partner, enjoy looking at some of the pictures in a suitable book or website, giggle together about the possibility of trying some new positions, and then get into the bedroom and see what happens!
How to be adventurous during sex
Look Out For The Big O
(How to get her to orgasm!)
If you’re a woman who has trouble getting to orgasm in the first place then you might want a basic course on how to do this. there are plenty available on the internet.
Take Your Own Pleasure
(Sex is for you!)
It’s all too easy to become wrapped up in a situation where you think that your partner’s pleasure is the most important thing about sex. Many men believe that sex is all about their ability to satisfy their partner, and they become obsessed with giving her an orgasm. Well, of course the truth is slightly different: no one can “give” another person an orgasm! You can only help or encourage them to reach orgasm by stimulating them in ways that impact on their sexual nervous system.
But sex is not just about satisfying your partner. If you set out to obtain the maximum pleasure yourself then suddenly sex becomes much more enjoyable and relaxed. This is because when you are selfish, you stop putting performance pressure on yourself.
Many men put performance pressure on themselves, by desiring above all else to satisfy their woman by giving her an orgasm. Then they become become focused on that goal, and on technique rather than sensual pleasure. They lose the heart to heart connection which can be so important in keeping a couple together forever.
If you’re obsessed with performance — as measured by the screams of your partner — you can’t possibly be focusing on your own pleasure. That means you’re cut off from your own feelings, which in turn means that you’re not getting the sexual stimulation you might need to enjoy yourself. And then you might develop delayed ejaculation or you might become a dispassionate, mechanical lovers obsessed with sexual technique. (Here’s some advice that claims to be able to make a man obsessed with a woman.)
The quickest way to overcome performance pressure is to stop thinking about your partner’s pleasure and start thinking about your own. And this applies to women as well: women who are too concerned about their man’s pleasure can change this pattern by forgetting about establishing intimacy and just enjoying sex for its own sake.
So, in a word: make a bargain with your partner that you will have sex, and that each of you will think only of your own pleasure — then see what happens!